May the Good Lord have mercy on me for all the ridiculous things I said and did this morning. And may He have mercy on you too, for all the laughing you are about to do. At my expense.
It started out as such a nice morning. I slept in, and my oldest daughter, who is starting to understand The Way Things Ought to Be, brought me breakfast in bed, bless her. I'll leave her half my kingdom.
Anyway, I was sitting in bed, reading my Facebook newsfeed when a few of my "FB friends," who are no longer friends of mine, posted an article from Eugene Daily News, a reasonably real sounding site about how the Juan de Fuca plate in the Pacific ocean off the Oregon coast had sunk 4 feet in the early morning hours of TODAY. It cited a buoy number 46404 with the National Buoy Data Service that had been recording and relaying this information. For those of you who have followed the potential Big One in Oregon, you know that slippage of tectonic plates along the Cascadia Subduction Zone will be a very bad thing for the Northwest.
Hear me now friends, I had not yet had any coffee. I heard these words and phrases: Oregon Earthquake Warning, Tectonic Plates Moving, Earthquake Imminent, Tsunami Imminent.
I panicked a little bit, and then told myself to be reasonable. What could I do to prepare? Nothing has happened yet. With the Lord as my witness, I truly thought that since I hadn't washed my hair in a few days, a very pressing matter should we experience a 9.0 earthquake here in Western Oregon would be the cleanliness of my hair. I hopped in the shower and wondered if the quake might hit before I got my shampoo rinsed. Would I lose water immediately? Wait, was that a little tremor? Is it starting? No. False alarm. I finished my shower, plugged in my cell phone, found my husband's crank radio and decided that the people I love needed to hear about this. Maybe my husband should head home. He didn't answer his phone. My next move may haunt me for a while. I carefully composed a text to him.
It said, "There is an earthquake warning off the Oregon coast today. The Juan de Fuca tectonic plate (along the Cascadia Subduction Zone) dropped over 4 feet in a matter of hours this morning between 2:30-6:00 am. There is a buoy that measures the water column and sends info to shore and the change is dramatic. A change of inches would be news and entire square miles of the ocean floor dropped four feet in about four hours. I am freaking out."
There. Just the facts. Because I love him and we need to protect our children together. But then I had the thought...what about the other people I love? I should probably relay this important life-saving information to my mom. And my dad. Well, probably my brothers for sure. And my neighbor, because she's awesome and we'll be in this survival business together once everything starts. So, ok fine. I sent it to a couple people. A few. BECAUSE I LOVE THEM.
Now that my hair was clean, my family was warned, it was time for preparation. I put a little product in my hair (because who knew when I might be able to blow dry it again?) and started making a mental list. I also googled Oregon Earthquake Warning and found, well, not a whole lot. I will with shame admit to you that I considered that I might be on the early warning side of this disaster and that the major news outlets would follow my lead soon.
Just as I was thinking of how I might prepare for this tragic day, I began to receive texts in response to my level headed warnings to those I love. The messages said things like "How many people have you sent this to?" "What link are you reading?" and my favorite "How come I haven't seen anything about this on the news?" And just like that, the tide turned. Not because of tectonic plates either.
Because I am thorough and responsible (CLEARLY) I looked up the National Buoy Data Center, which is a real thing, and referenced buoy number 46404 from the article. It's a real buoy, a few miles off of Astoria, Oregon (a real town.) The readings were normal from today.
So, new public service announcement: nothing big happening with the Cascadia Subduction Zone today. But I might have proven to be a tiny bit gullible, a smidge crazy, with just a touch of alarmist. I'm sorry! I thought it was real. My mind went to the Bad Place and it was only slowly retrieved.
Carry on Oregonians. We can live in this glorious place for another day.
